So when Jason Morningstar asked me to consult for him as he was fine tuning Night Witches, I was all in. As a thank you, he gave me a gift that he would later offer backers of the Kickstarter: a portrait of me (done by GAW\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s own Claudia Cangini), in a Nachthexen uniform. This delighted my inner history geek! But I didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t realize then how important that it would become to me.<\/p>\n
As part of the campaign, a deck of cards was produced to enhance the experience of the game. In it, were plane diagrams, medals, ceremonial dedication speeches\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6. and portraits of sample Night Witches, new ones plus all of the portraits that had been commissioned for the Kickstarter \u00e2\u20ac\u201c including the consultants.<\/p>\n
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Once Night Witches fulfilled, people started posting pictures, of their books, of the cards, and of their games. As I came across those posts on social media, I would often get a moment of cognitive distortion when I noticed my portrait was on the table in people\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s game set up. There I was: a Hawk. There I was: a Pidgeon. There I was: a Raven.<\/p>\n
People were picking me as the visrep of the person they wanted to be in their game.<\/p>\n
Now, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m a woman living in the age of media-mandated perfection. And as such, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m subject to the cruel and usual punishment of the Beauty Industrial Complex. I have not \u00e2\u20ac\u201c just like every woman (and most men) I know \u00e2\u20ac\u201c come through life without a complicated relationship with my appearance. I think most women, secretly or openly, whether they are beautiful or not, spend a lot of time hating on their bodies. We look into mirrors and see all the ways we fall short.<\/p>\n
But here people were, picking me<\/b> to be what they wanted their character to looked like.<\/b><\/p>\n
And then this happened:<\/p>\n
![](\"http:\/\/games.spaceanddeath.com\/sin_aesthetics\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/beautiful-300x177.png\")
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Someone posted their character sheet with me as their Sparrow. In the options under Body, they circled \u00e2\u20ac\u0153beautiful\u00e2\u20ac\u009d.<\/p>\n
I can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t quite articulate what happened then, but it feels in my memory like that cartoon moment when the Grinch\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s heart which is three sizes too small suddenly is pictured expanding so big it takes over the square it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s confined in. And between this lovely thank you gift and this innocuous social media post, I have \u00e2\u20ac\u201c even if only a little \u00e2\u20ac\u201c changed how I feel about my own body. In the moment that my picture and that option were chosen together by someone far away, the two ceased to be incompatible by default.<\/p>\n
And that right there is both the power of representation, and the power of role-playing games as a medium to provide unique and innovative ways to make representation matter more.<\/p>\n
Act Two:<\/b> In Which We Need to Change Things for Others Too.<\/i><\/p>\n
Games are our dreams. Stories are the way we make sense of our lives, and understand our place in the world. Seeing myself in a game made me dream about myself differently. And sure, this is a pretty specific example: It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s specifically an image of me, and specifically coded in a way that will drive the point home. But we don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t need to go so far to have exact pictures of ourselves to feel represented. In fact, short of actual portraits of ourselves, detail can get in the way. Scott McCloud talks about this idea in Understanding Comics: The less detail a character on a page has, the more a reader can project themselves into their place in the story. Our minds differentiate and create distance from characters by difference: when we see something that is not us, we categorize and say this is me and that is not.<\/p>\n
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I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m a white cis woman. While there are a lot less white cis women in game art then there are white cis men, there are a lot of white cis women too. Few of them look anything like me. They conform much more magically to the strange and terrible demands of the Beauty Industrial Complex, often even where those demands include the need for anti-gravity technology or spinal surgery.<\/p>\n
The art in game books include enough things that aren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t me to make my brain trigger distance. People who look like me do not exist in this game<\/i>. But the art in game books include enough things that are me to make my brain trigger proximity too: I see white faces, female faces, cis people. They read: the people in this game are more beautiful versions of me<\/i>. That might not be the best thing, but it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a place we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d all like to escape to.<\/p>\n
But if I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not white, or I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m trans, or I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m otherwise absent in the visual field, all the game says to me is absence. This is not a place for you, you are not here.<\/b><\/i><\/p>\n
I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d really like everyone engaging with games (and other media) to have equal opportunity to dream themselves beautiful.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Originally published by Mo on Gaming as Women, September 28, 2015 Act One: In Which I Am Changed Anyone who knows me knows I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m a little obsessed with women\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s history, particularly when it comes to the role of women in WW2. And anyone who reads me on GAW knows that I am particularly interested in … Continue reading You Could Be Me, I Could Be There: The Joy of Representation<\/span>